your life is calling?

so, decor8 has been doing a segment lately on how to know what it is you should be doing with your life when you don't know what to do, and how to figure it out. i seriously feel like it was written specifically for me!! i couldn't be more grateful to not only know that the majority of people have this inner conflict, but also to be able to read how others have struggled with finding their own path....but they have found it! they touched on a point that seems to be my main struggle- being able to make money at what you design and the stress associated with it.

back in january, i decided to leave what i call, "my big girl job", where i had a very decent paycheck working as an administrative assistant for interior designers at an architectural firm. i loved my co-workers (especially my i.d. peeps), but it just wasn't fullfilling my needs....that, and the whole fluorescent lighting cubicle world just can't be for everyone. so, fast forward to now... i took a semi-part-time job at a mom and pop local boutique as their office manager because of the flexibility and only being required to work 30 hrs a week. once again, i love the people that i work with, but even with the extra free time that i should be creating...i find myself stumped. here's where the stress comes in! since i cut my paycheck in half by taking this position (but i gained freedom and flexibility) i feel such a pressure to create something great...something that everyone will be beating my door down to buy (because i now have no money)...that instead of taking that and creating...i just sit and stare at my raw materials, almost waiting for them to jump into the world's greatest creation ever- on their own!

now, we'll rewind... i went to college right after high school with a love of music. i told myself that i wanted a career in something that i loved, and that i didn't' want to wake up every day and go to a job that i had to go to because it paid the bills, i wanted to WANT to go! so, i choose the music industry despite my parents pleas not to. i thought that with nashville being music city, there would always be a job for me, so music business was where it's at...WRONG.

i had an internship my last semester that hired me after graduation, i worked there about six months later and was canned. my jerk of a boss told me that an intern could do my administrative job for free. so, since i only had the administrative skills and retail music stores under my belt, i started the hunt for another AA job, because i had to pay the bills....this was 8 years ago and i'm still doing the "pay the bills game".

somewhere along there, i started making "jewelry". i loosely call it jewelry because it involved those glass stones with images glued underneath that you can now find all over etsy...but 8 years ago, they were the bomb. haha . so, without much work i got into one local store after another...was even approached by an accessories rep ( hi beth!) and before you knew it, my "jewelry" was being sold all over the southeast...it was pretty crazy. i was able to rely on that income with a part-time job at an art store and it was fun...i created daily in my basement and it worked...but even then, that same stressful feeling of keeping up with trends finding new markets and attending craft shows...it gets hairy. i met a boy (who is now my husband) and decided that spending time with him was more important than all of that other crap...by this time, retailers ordered by number from a catalog and there really was no creating in it...it was just me filling orders...and i let it fall to the wayside. after the googly eyes wore off and my head had come out of the clouds...i find myself trying to get that success back...even if it was only local success...it was nice. i worry that was my one chance, and i let it go.

so, here i am...back at square one..still doing administrative jobs...still trying to break into something in the design world...with no clue of what to do....school? not really speaking to me... go back to the higher paying job just to pay the bills and hope that the creative spark comes back to me?? maybe. but hopefully i'll get some guidance from the blogging community and the help of decor8's posts. my fingers are crossed!